Nyan Cat Sheet Music
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A De-Conversion story. (the emotional side)
You ever feel like you cannot be yourself? Like God is watching you?This was an unescapable fact of life for me. God is so real, and in order to honor him with my heart, soul, body and mind I must guard my thoughts and actions. In reality most Christians do not take this scenario to its logical, laughable conclusion. I can cite multiple examples of case studies, where if we really believed God watched us every hour of every day, knowing every thought, we'd act in a totally different manner...in fact live in a "scared shitless" state. Now Christians talk about "freedom in Christ." Yes, I've looked deep into at this and read John Eldridge's mystic way to look at God. Many believers allegorize the stories within scripture, make it their own narrative. For me, I'm waiting for that undeniable bit of evidence to hit me in face. Until then I might as well believe in the flying spaghetti monster.
So, in all the years of my growing up, I believed in God with all my heart, soul, body and mind. I struggled when I lusted, when I heard someone say the Lord's name in vain, when someone swore, when someone taught evolution and on and on and on. Being riddled with guilt in conjunction with being hyper-sensitive led me to be a very reserved "emo" child. If a girl showed interest in me, I had "to much homework." If I was invited to a party, "I'd have to play my cello." Loser. That's what I'd describe myself.
Now we jump ahead to college. My mission: find my own faith. I left out one important variable: The actual existence of God. So instead I visited 4 different campus ministries, went to 20 different churches...and left disillusioned. This left me 2 options, become an unbeliever or a cynical Calvinist. I chose the latter. Someone has to be right, and those damn atheists are just in denial. I didn't experience the Holy Spirit like so many of my Christian brothers and sisters, so now it's about doctrine. The I'm right, everyone else is wrong mentality set in. However, back to my hyper-sensitivity -- I slowly gave up my belief in Hell. I couldn't function, believing something so real...so permanent. So using conditionalist and universalist doctrine...I came to a peace in my own belief.
Now racing ahead to 7 years after college, and at the end of my marriage, I've abandoned any belief in a personal god, and am left with an "unbelief." Somehow, that is an incredible honest place to be...where I can stop pretending. Let the journey continue....
One Republic Apologize Cello sheet music
Same chords over and over. As a cellist maybe you could improvise through these after the intro and before the the band ramps it up at the end. (depending on your cover band)
Cm - Fm/Ab - Eb - Bb/D
Cm - Fm/Ab - Eb - Bb/D
Letter to my wife. (before divorce)
Dear wife,
Maybe writing you is better than talking, everytime I open my mouth I get in trouble.
First thing, I was purposely manipulated by Ron Smith. (not real name) I never saw it coming -- he started out by saying he was amazed we could even get along...we were so different. he asked about regrets, about what I want in life and what my future may look like without you. He mentioned he doesn't remember specifics, just the overall message...obviously a lie, ie the email to the pastor.
I can't even believe this church can be so backstabbing, I can never go back. I hear people ask Joe (not real name) about me because they know I see him on a regular basis. I just tell Joe, "Have them call me then."
One thing I'm working on is honesty. So, I tell the church what I don't believe, so...they make a public spectacle about my doubts...plus they talk about my affairs.
In keeping with honesty, I didn't want to break your heart. So I ordered the Tony Robbins course, maybe I could rekindle something. That all came to a crashing halt when Ron talked to you and you received the email.
I'm done defending what I've said in the past. I'm done talking-it only gets me in trouble. I'm tired of being accused of selfishness and emotionally manipulating you.
I have ZERO trust with you, and fighting at this juncture only delays the inevitable. If I don't love you like you deserve, we both may be better off.
I hope our encounters in the future are friendly. My family loves you, so I am happy you are going to my sister's wedding.
Best,
Husband
Letter to a Christian family member.
Dear Sister,
Thank you for loving me despite my unbelief, my divorce and my emotional roller coaster.
You know those "emos?" I understand why they have the stereotype of wanting to "just crawl in a hole and die." They think they will save others from pain. Don't worry--even though I understand them, doesn't mean I think that extreme. :)
You mentioned that it's easy to stop lying....well, I'm doing my best lately. Even if it means admitting I have unbelief or understand I cannot love my wife like she deserves. Admitting the truth, searching the truth can hurt, maybe that is why I'm experiencing all the pain right now.
I know things will be better, they already are. I want to grow as a person who is respectable and trustworthy.
About our little text message conversation. I'm concerned about how my relationship with our family will be affected since I've walked away. First, here is what I experienced as I remember my childhood: I would stay awake worrying about our extended family and their eternal soul.
"Grandma is not a strong enough believer."
"Grandpa was afraid to die, yes he he denied Jesus but we don't know his last thoughts."
I gave up belief in hell a while ago, because it was easy to dismiss, even through Scripture. I also couldn't function emotionally if I knew 95+% of the world was going to be tormented forever.
I know dad worries about that doctrine, and I'm worried he will worry about my soul and that get's me worrying. I also wanted to use every variation of "worry" I could think of. :)
Now, I know every good thing is selfish unless the glory is given to God. (according to Christianity) I'm worried this will effect our relationship. I remember believing our extended family and fried's accomplishments or good deeds were just their "selfishness" clothed in "good works." I'm afraid I'll be viewed the same.
I just wanted to be honest with you, and I'm the same brother you've always known. You are right, time to stop the lying cycle.
Love,
Brother
Daily Prayer...for an unbeliever
Dear Impersonal God which whom I've tried to personally connect with,
Please help me deal with the people whom you've chosen to connect. They think I cannot be happy otherwise. How can I convince the elect that one can be happy without connecting with you. Maybe because I never have, and any previous childhood relationship with you was purely in my head. As my pastor prays..."Help me in my unbelief." As I pray, help my family through this. I think my dad is concerned I have changed and knowing his views pertaining to his unbelieving family, I'm afraid I will never have the same relationship with him again.
Psalmist David said in Psalm 68:5-6;
5 Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.6 God places the lonely in families;he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
Now LORD, please do not make me a "rebel." I want to believe, but I see no reason. God let my family accept me in my unbelief, so I do not feel lonely if my family rejects me.
Nyan Cat Cello Cover
Here you guys go!!!
