Maybe writing you is better than talking, everytime I open my mouth I get in trouble.
First thing, I was purposely manipulated by Ron Smith. (not real name) I never saw it coming -- he started out by saying he was amazed we could even get along...we were so different. he asked about regrets, about what I want in life and what my future may look like without you. He mentioned he doesn't remember specifics, just the overall message...obviously a lie, ie the email to the pastor.
I can't even believe this church can be so backstabbing, I can never go back. I hear people ask Joe (not real name) about me because they know I see him on a regular basis. I just tell Joe, "Have them call me then."
One thing I'm working on is honesty. So, I tell the church what I don't believe, so...they make a public spectacle about my doubts...plus they talk about my affairs.
In keeping with honesty, I didn't want to break your heart. So I ordered the Tony Robbins course, maybe I could rekindle something. That all came to a crashing halt when Ron talked to you and you received the email.
I'm done defending what I've said in the past. I'm done talking-it only gets me in trouble. I'm tired of being accused of selfishness and emotionally manipulating you.
I have ZERO trust with you, and fighting at this juncture only delays the inevitable. If I don't love you like you deserve, we both may be better off.
I hope our encounters in the future are friendly. My family loves you, so I am happy you are going to my sister's wedding.
Best,
Husband
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